How to Fix the Internet

So here's a pretty depressing article about the disproportionate targeting of women by comment trolls.

I've scratched my head for ages trying to figure out how you can retain freedom of speech and anonymity on the web without all of us having to suffer the bullshit antics of playground bullies who never got past a middle-school maturity level in their psychological development. Thankfully, this article gave me a great idea.

In order to post anywhere, you've generally got to agree to the site's terms of service, right? So all we need to do is get public sites to include the following in those terms: the user also agrees that if any authorized moderator or filtering system should determine the comment to be hate speech or harassment, the comment will be either deleted or translated by our "Play Nice" software into a form that expresses more appropriate content.

Then all troll comments can be run through an AI translating system that makes them say nice things instead of shitty ones.

For example, a comment reading, "Ian Saul Whitcomb is a piece-of-shite whore who should fuck off and die!" would be translated into "Ian Saul Whitcomb is a piece-of-relief genius who should be lavished with affection and live forever!"

It wouldn't necessarily end up being difficult to see that a comment thread had a lot of trolls attempting to hijack it, but they wouldn't actually be able to spread their poison, and the rest of us wouldn't be exposed to their abuse.

Okay, troll-fighters! Somebody with web programming skills get right on this.